free - rose

“what you want to do will find you,” patrick said. a pensive expression had taken over his usually cheery face while he delivered this beautifully poignant and timely advice to the handful of us perched in the back of his cab. i’ve heard this in different forms many times before, but until now, i hadn’t ever been able to get myself to believe it or let it sink in. instead, i’d let my worries about my future consume my mind. but there was something about the earnest way that patrick stopped everything he was doing just to give us this message that drove his point straight home. the use of the verb “find” specifically wiped away all of my lingering anxiety. i’m not supposed to be the one who is doing the finding! in that moment, i was set free. free to explore what i love. free to enjoy the small moments. i realized that incessantly searching for and ruminating about how i want to spend the rest of my life does not promote mindfulness and will always jolt me into the future instead of grounding me in the present.